Chi Yao --> Monster

I was up cleaning up my room coz my brother is coming back tomorrow. And I have things everywhere.

And I stumbled upon the little autograph book thingie from my form 5 days. It was kind of a shocker to me, coz reading through it, I realise that who I was back then is definitely not who I am right now.

People said I was jovial, cheerful, funny, talkative, only had positive things to say. Some even wondered if I ever get angry at all.

Now, half of what they mentioned is no longer true. I somehow have become so much less talkative, only responding if you ask me a question. Talking to people has since become a chore, and most of the time I have nothing to talk about. I only respond, hardly initiate conversations. And only having positive things to say? Gosh. When was the last time I had something positive to say.

It feels like I've turned into this ugly, bitter, lonely, quiet man-witch trolling the streets...Did Australia change me? Maybe. Or maybe audit has changed me. I often put the blame on audit. Me having no life? Audit. Me being paid peanuts? Audit. Me can't go for camp? Audit. Me having to ask silly questions and annoy clients? Audit. Me becoming negative? Audit. Me not being social? Audit.

But half of it is probably true. I'm definitely turning into someone whom I'm not proud of. I should seriously consider a career switch. I can't go on being such a negative person. I can't go on in life hating my job, wondering if I'll ever get any life at all. Even my spiritual life has taken a hiatus.

O God, I'm afraid of this person I've turned into. I'm not sure what You have in mind putting me through this, but do show my Your way Lord. And do show me when I should write that letter, seal it and hand it to my boss.